Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
