Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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