The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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