these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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