We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
