the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
