I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Randomize