Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize