8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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