Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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