I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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