The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
