the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
