So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
