The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
