you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
