i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
