I love black thongs
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
