my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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