dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
