my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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