it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
