i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
