Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
When are your genitals available?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
