You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
