i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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