Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
