Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
