I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
