The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize