dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
