Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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