how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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