I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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