shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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