There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
