Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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