if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
