Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize