yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
