I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
