the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
