letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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