Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
