he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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