did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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