Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize