does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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