Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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