I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize