K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
