So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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