addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
