you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
