My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just google imaged poop.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
