Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
