He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
