I just pynch a tree in the face
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i now understand why vodka
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
