My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
