I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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