I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
