If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
