Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I wish I only lived at night.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
