: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
