Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
