Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
