i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
