I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize