Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
