Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
