are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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