saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Randomize