Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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