Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
