Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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