yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
