I'm eating all of the evidence.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
