She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
How's work?
Spinning.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
