What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
