His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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