I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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